


UnAttatched

by SophieD



Series: Star Trek TNG Beverly/Deanna [13]
Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Current Relationship, F/F, Femslash, Imzadi, Lesbian Sex, Lost - Freeform, Telepathy, Worry, away mission, past relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-11
Updated: 2016-05-11
Packaged: 2018-06-07 21:12:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6824350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SophieD/pseuds/SophieD
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This story takes place during the Season 7 Episode 8, Attached.  Beverly Crusher and Captain Picard have are lost after being used as pawns between 2 hostile countries.   Devices were implanted that allowed them to hear each other's thoughts and Beverly finally learns of Jean-Luc's true feelings for her.  This part of the story is told from Deanna Troi's point of view as she worries and waits for her lover Beverly to return.</p>
            </blockquote>





	UnAttatched

**Author's Note:**

> Love to hear what y'all think. Please leave me comments, especially if you want more like this.

Beverly wakes before her alarm. She’s got a busy day ahead but she’s not quite ready to start it yet. She turns to look at her sleeping lover. With a contented sigh, she brushes an unruly black curl out of Deanna’s face and then smiles at the soft snore she gets in reply. It’s hard for her to imagine now, after all those years sleeping alone, how much she missed having someone to hold at night. How wonderful it is to have someone to wake up to.   
She reaches for another curl and her fingers brush against Deanna’s forehead. Deanna’s eyes slowly flutter open. She smiles as Beverly’s face comes into focus.  
“Good morning Dee” Beverly says softly as she lightly kisses Deanna’s lips. Deanna smiles again. There is only one person in the Universe who would ever get away with calling her Dee. Even Will uses her full name. On Beverly’s lips though, she doesn’t mind.  
“I’m sorry I woke you” Beverly says quietly.  
Deanna smiles. “I’m glad you did. I wanted to say good-bye.”  
Beverly stretches and starts to move out of bed. Deanna grabs at her. “No. Don’t go. Not yet.” Beverly relaxes back into her pillow, happy to have an excuse not to get up. Deanna is not a morning person and Beverly tries to respect that. There are times however, when Beverly just can’t help herself.   
“The captain will be waiting for me.”  
“The captain can wait.”  
Deanna slides her hand across Beverly’s belly. “You’re going to be gone a couple of days on this mission. I’m going to miss you.”   
Beverly smiles. “I’m going to miss you too” she says as she pulls Deanna closer.   
“I still don’t understand why you and Captain Picard are even going on this away mission? A simple application to join the Federation hardly rates a Starship Captain and a Chief Medical Officer. And I don’t like the idea of you two going alone.”  
“Jealous?” Beverly asks with a wink.  
Deanna slaps playfully at her belly. “Of course not. It’s just odd that’s all. You two. No security. No counselor.”  
“Ahhh. I see it now. You want to chaperone!”   
Deanna slaps at her again. “No but I do want you to remember why you and Jean-Luc should not be planning to run away together.” She rolls onto Beverly with a smile. “You have no idea how much I love you.” She whispers.   
“Yes I do” Beverly replies as she reaches out with her mind to touch Deanna’s. With another contented sigh, she finds Deanna’s mouth with her own and lets her fingers slide down Deanna’s body. Deanna purrs as Beverly’s fingers find her. It’s not long before they’re lying nose to nose, caressing each other, making the other jump and moan with their touches. They stare at each other until they can no longer hold it in and they have to pull each other tight.  
Deanna snuggles herself into Beverly’s side with a sigh. “You’ll remember to come home?”   
Beverly kisses the top of her head. “If you’re here waiting for me? I will always come home.”  
Deanna tightens her grip but as she falls back to sleep, Beverly carefully extricates herself. With another gentle kiss to her lover’s lips, she slips out of bed to start her day.  
Beverly and Jean-Luc have been meeting for breakfast regularly. They have been good friends for many years and Beverly has always enjoyed his company. There was a time when she thought that maybe they had a spark, that their platonic love might someday turn to a relationship. But over time, they’ve reached a comfortable place with no expectations besides good food and good company.  
Deanna has never asked her about their breakfasts together, never objected to the intimacy that the two friends share. It would be very difficult for her to give up but she would, if Deanna was uncomfortable with it. They’ve never talked about it. She hopes that Deanna understands. 

Deanna wakes again several hours later. She rolls over and grabs Beverly’s pillow, pulling it to her and smelling her lover’s sweet scent. She sighs. It’s not like they haven’t spent nights apart but she always misses her friend when she’s gone.   
She smiles. ‘Thank goodness Beverly didn’t ask her to breakfast today” she thinks. Beverly planned a traditional Klingon breakfast of Buttertoast and stewed Gagh for herself and the captain. Deanna grimaces. She can barely stomach the worminess of Gagh under the best of circumstances. Before noon, the most she can gag down is a piece of toast and coffee.   
After a shower, she grabs said toast and coffee and heads down to her office. She purposely scheduled sessions for all morning. ‘The busier the better’ she thinks is the best plan to keep from missing Beverly.  
She dismisses her last client and collapses into her chair, ready to tackle a pile of tablets needing to be updated. She glances to the side and notices her breakfast, still sitting on her desk, half eaten. She pokes at her soggy toast and cold coffee. With a sigh, she heads out to find something to eat.  
Deanna has almost made it to Ten Forward when her communicator chirps to life.   
*Counselor…Deanna, could you please come to the bridge.” It’s Will Riker’s voice. She shrugs at the Ensign holding the door to the lounge open for her and makes a U turn in the direction of the bridge.   
As the turbo lift doors open, Deanna is buffeted by a wave of emotion. She staggers backward a few steps before composing herself and walking onto the bridge. Will is here, in command of the ship while the Captain is away. He is stalking the space between the captain’s chair and cons. She doesn’t need to be an empath to guess which emotions are his. Anger. Fear. Frustration. From behind her at the security and science cons, she feels worry and frustration. And from Worf, anger and a good measure of guilt.   
There is one more being on the bridge. A representative from the primary government of Kesprit 3. She is surprised to see him on board. There were to be no discussions about their application to the Federation until the Captain and Doctor returned with their reports. She is unclear what his true emotions are but one thing is perfectly clear, he is most definitely being deceitful about something.  
She steps forward, blocking Riker’s way as he turns to go back. “Will…is everything OK?”  
She reads the answer all over his face and her heart skips a beat.   
“In the, my ready room” he directs her and then follows her in. He sits uncomfortably in the Captain’s chair while she perches on the edge of hers. “I didn’t want to worry you Deanna. Not until we knew something. But I thought you should know. The Captain and Beverly, they’re missing.”  
Deanna feels herself being knocked backwards again by the physical manifestation of emotion. She grips the edge of her chair, trying to keep her panic from overwhelming her.   
Will begins to lay out the current situation.  
The Captain and Dr. Crusher beamed down to the planet Kesprit 3. It looked as if everything had gone as it should have until the Enterprise was contacted by the Kes. The couple never arrived. Between the Kes’ and their own sensors, they were able to determine that the transporter beam was hijacked by a tractor beam emanating from inside Prit territory.   
The Kes and Prit have been fighting for hundreds of years. While the Kes seek admittance into the Federation, the Prit are described as xenophobic and hostile.   
Kes spies reportedly freed the Captain and Dr. and provided a map to Kes territory where they will be met and transported back to the Enterprise. All seemed to go well until the pair failed to show, again, at their designated spot. The Prit have been less than helpful, accusing the Federation of conspiracy, when they choose to talk at all.  
Deanna listens to the story without comment. She fights her emotional nature and tries to think of them as just two officers. What would she do if it were Worf and Geordi and not her Beverly?   
“Has the ambassador been any help?” she asks. She knows it’s not a great question but she honestly cannot think of anything else and she needs to keep the dialogue going so she can think.  
Will shakes his head. “At first he was very helpful but, as time has gone by, he’s become more and more paranoid. He actually accused us of working with the Prit to set up a military alliance against them. He will only talk to me in his assigned quarters which he filled with security guards and electronic junk. Meanwhile he wants to be on the bridge though he is offering no help at all. I was just about to explain to him why the Kes will not be invited to the Federation and what he can do with all of his spy toys.”  
“I think I’d like to watch that” Deanna tells him with a smile. “And then can we go find the captain? And Beverly?”   
Will nods as he stands and she follows him back out to the bridge. He speaks to the Kes ambassador and they move toward the turbo lift followed by Deanna, Worf and four security guards, two Kes and two Federation.   
Will wasn’t exaggerating about the amount of counter spy apparatus spread around the Kes’ room. Most of it, she knew, was pointless. The Enterprise was already equipped with all of the security that they would need. She watched quietly as Will explained, in great detail, why the Kes would not be, would never become a member of the Federation. He closes with “Now get yourself and all of your junk off of my ship!”  
The bridge is silent as its crew sits and waits for any word from the planet below that their people have been found. As the hours wear on, even Will admits defeat. He brings in a night bridge crew and relieves the rest of duty for the night, Deanna included.  
“Go Deanna. Get some rest. Tomorrow is going to be a long day.” She nods numbly, her and Beverly’s quarters, their bed, the last places she wants to be. “And Deanna.” She looks up at him standing in front of her. “Get yourself something to eat!”  
Deanna tries as best she can to rest but she can’t shut out the voices of the people around her. Normally, she hardly notices the effort it takes, having lived around humans for so long. But tonight her walls are completely down and she doesn’t have the strength to put them back up. She hugs Beverly’s pillow tight and tries not to think about what might be happening on the planet below.  
She decides to stay off the bridge, to try to occupy her mind with mundane tasks, working her way through the tablets still stacked on her desk. It helps her not to think too much. Will will contact her as soon as he knows anything.   
The call finally comes early afternoon.   
*Deanna! We’ve got them!*  
With a sigh of relief, Deanna falls back into her chair. She rubs her eyes. As much as she wants to think everything is OK, there are still too many unknowns. Will said nothing about their condition, mental or physical. Still, she feels more optimistic than she has in a day. She pushes herself out of the chair and heads down to the transporter rooms.  
Deanna arrives just as Beverly and the Captain are stepping off the pad. Both are covered in dirt, lines marking their faces from sweat turning the dirt to mud. Beverly’s uniform is torn at the shoulder, Picard is limping slightly. Deanna can only see one thing, Beverly’s face when she spots her lover in the doorway. Everything on her face reflects what Deanna feels. Worry, relief and love. She stays behind the group around the Captain as they move to the door. Deanna steps toward her. Suddenly, Beverly turns green and grabs at her stomach. At the same time, Deanna hears a commotion at the door where Picard stops abruptly. “Dr.!” he snaps at her. Beverly stares hard at him and his face begins to turn red. He turns away from her but doesn’t move. Beverly steps to Deanna and Deanna reaches to put her hands around Beverly’s neck. She is startled to find something protruding out of the back of Beverly’s skull and pulls her hands back quickly. Beverly catches her hands. “It’s OK Dee. I just need to go down to sick bay for a bit. Wait for me in our quarters?” Deanna nods numbly. She tries to reach for Beverly’s mind but can’t make any contact. She watches as her partner leaves the room with Picard, her laughter echoing down the hall.  
Inside their quarters, Deanna pours two glasses of wine and sits down to wait. After an hour, the wine is gone and she is pacing the room. She still can’t reach Beverly’s mind and she’s more than a bit concerned. Beverly seemed fine. Acted fine. What could have happened down there that she would completely close that part of her off again.   
The wine, lack of sleep and stress finally wear Deanna down. She collapses onto the couch, unable to keep her eyes open. She is still aware enough to know that the images that flash before her eyes are not dreams but random thoughts of the undisciplined humans around her. She won’t get any real rest until she can talk to Beverly, to find out what happened.  
The swoosh of the door brings Deanna to full consciousness. She jumps to her feet and comes face to face with the only person she wants to see. Beverly smiles and holds her arms open and Deanna falls into them.   
“You’re ok? You’re really OK?” Deanna asks.   
Beverly smiles down at the smaller woman ad gives her a soft kiss. “I’m really OK.”   
Deanna brushes her hands under Beverly’s hair and gently explores the back of Beverly’s neck. “What was that thing?” She asks.  
“The Prit implanted them. So that they could read our psi waves. To learn what we were really doing there.”  
Deanna looks confused. “Psi waves? Is that why I couldn’t find you? “  
Beverly shrugs. She’s not ready to share everything that happened on the planet yet. She still hasn’t figured it all out herself. She feels Deanna reaching for her. She pushes her away and shuts her mind off. “No Dee. Not now. Please? I can’t.”   
Deanna nods but she doesn’t understand. What she does know is that Beverly is not going to explain until she is ready so there is no point in trying to push her. She takes Beverly’s hand and leads her to the couch. She hands her a glass of wine and sits quietly, watching, while Beverly drinks. They don’t talk.   
After a time, Beverly goes to the replicator, asking for a warm milk and nutmeg which she drinks and heads to their bedroom. Deanna follows silently behind her. In bed, Deanna wraps her arms around her lover. “I was so worried.”  
“I’m fine Dee. Really. I just have a lot to think about.”  
“Do you want to talk about it?” Deanna asks, trying to sound more friend than therapist.   
Beverly shakes her head. “No. Not now. Not yet. Can you just hold me? It was a long day. A long night. I just need…” She stops, not sure how to explain what she needs, what she wants. Deanna wraps her arms around her and pulls her tight. With a deep sigh, Beverly feels herself relax and finally drifts off to sleep. Deanna lies awake for a long time, still not convinced that there isn’t something terribly wrong.  
When Deanna wakes, Beverly is already gone. This surprises her. She was sure Beverly would take at least a day off. She reaches with her mind, as she does every morning, to connect with her lover. But this time there is nothing. She feels sad and empty. And scared.  
“Computer, what is the location of Dr. Crusher?”  
*Dr. Crusher is currently located in the arboretum*

Keiko O’Brien is standing just inside the door to the arboretum.   
“Counsellor Troi…”   
“Deanna please. I’m here for personal reasons.”  
“Deanna. I’m glad you came. I was just about to call you.”  
This worries Deanna more. “Is Dr. Crusher here?”  
Keiko nods. “Is she OK? She’s acting a bit strange. And she’s been here most of the night.”  
Deanna takes a deep breath. “She’s had a rough couple of days.”  
Keiko nods again. Softly she says “I know. Miles told me. She’s going to be OK?”  
Deanna smiles reassuringly. “I will make sure of it.”  
Keiko nods one more time and then indicates that Deanna should take the path that leads to the center of the forest.   
Deanna finds Beverly in the stand of Betazed Fana trees. She is leaning against her favorite, the one they kissed under when she first asked Beverly to be Imzadi. She looks to be asleep. With a deep breath, Deanna quietly sits next to her friend. She reaches with her mind, one more time, but even with her hand resting on top of Beverly’s, she is still unable to hear her voice. She’s scared to find out what happened down on the planet. And now she’s going to have to make Beverly relive whatever it was.   
She gently touches Beverly’s cheek with her finger, tracing small circles.   
“Beverly? Are you OK?”  
Beverly slowly opens her eyes. She smiles when she sees Deanna’s face. “I’m OK. I just couldn’t sleep. I’ve got a lot on my mind.”  
“Beverly, what happened down there?”  
Beverly cocks her head in question. “Nothing happened. Not really. It’s all in my report.”  
Deanna nods. “I read your report. But that’s not all is it? Something’s wrong. You’re not acting like yourself. You’re sad. Like you lost something.” Her last words come as barely a whisper. “I can’t hear you anymore.”  
Beverly looks away. She wants to, needs to tell Deanna what happened but she’s still not sure what it’s all going to mean. To herself. To the Captain. To Deanna.  
She leans her head back against the Fana tree. In the short months since Deanna introduced her to the beautiful purple trees, she’s come to understand why the Beta find them so special. The Fana are the lodestone to Beta spirituality. They represent strength and stability. They make everything possible, love, faith, peace. Beverly has never been spiritual, never really understood it. Her world was black and white. Science always provided an explanation. There was no room or need for believing in something that she couldn’t prove. But now that she knows the Fana, she thinks she understands. Ever since she became Imzadi, under this very tree, she’s been able to feels its strength, hear its voice. Right now, she doesn’t hear anything.   
She takes Deanna’s hand into her own and begins to explain.  
“The Prit implanted devices into mine and Jean-Luc’s brain stems. They planned to use them to extract information by interpreting our psi waves.”  
Deanna inturrupts her. “Psi? Like telepaths use?”   
Beverly nods. “Most races, yes. We escaped before they had a chance to calibrate them. They had an unexpected effect. The devices calibrated themselves. Mine to Jean-Luc’s. His to mine.”  
“It made him telepathic” Deanna responds.  
Beverly nods again. “Yes. But it wasn’t just communication. It was more like mind reading. They got stronger as time went on. It wasn’t long before we could hear every thought.”  
Deanna’s eyes get wide. “He told you” she whispers. “You know.”  
Beverly stares at Deanna. “You knew? When?”  
Deanna looks away guiltily. “Since we met. At Far Point. The first time you two were in the same room.”  
“Why didn’t you tell me?” She’s fighting anger and embarrassment. “You let me be all of these years and you knew he loved me?”  
Deanna’s eyes go back to Beverly’s, pleading her case. “It wasn’t my secret to share.” She says, her voice barely audible.   
“Is that why you shut me out? “  
Beverly nods. “I couldn’t control it. I didn’t want you to hear my thoughts. Not until I had it all figured out.”  
“And do you?” Deanna asks, “Do you have it figured out?”  
A slight shrug is Beverly’s only answer.  
Deanna sits back, giving her friend some time to compose her words. Beverly lets her head fall back to the tree behind her. She tries to open her mind to it, looking for some strength. She can’t hear its voice. She’s afraid she will never hear it again.  
Deanna finally breaks the silence.   
“So now what?”  
“What do you mean?” Beverly asks.  
“What are you going to do now? Now that everything has changed?”  
Beverly looks back at Deanna. “I don’t understand? Nothing has changed.”  
“Everything has changed Beverly. You know how he loves you now. And how you’ve loved him.” Her words are strangled. “I’ll fight for you. You know that. But if that’s who you want, who you’ve always wanted, I’ll let you go. Just tell me.”  
Beverly feels as if she’s been hit in the stomach.  
“No Deanna. No. No. That’s not what I want. I made my choice. I chose you. That’s never…that will never change. I love you Deanna. I want to spend my life with you. If you want me that is?”  
Deanna smiles through tears of happiness and relief. “More than anything I’ve ever wanted in my life” she whispers as she leans close and they kiss. In her head, she hears one word and it’s the sweetest word she’s ever heard. **Imzadi**

Deanna wakes to soft breath on her cheek. She opens her arms to welcome her lover as Beverly opened hers last night. Beverly moves away from her reaching fingers with a soft laugh. “Not now Dee. The Captain is waiting.”  
“What? He is? Did I miss a call?”  
Beverly laughs again. “No. Breakfast. Remember?”  
Deanna shakes her head.  
“Jean-Luc and I talked about it. I want you to come. It’s a special time in my day and I want to share it with you.”  
“And what does he want?” Deanna asks, unsure that the Captain is going to want to share his limited time.  
“He wants you to come Dee. It’s time that he and everyone else start seeing us as a couple. Please?”  
Beverly tugs on her hand and she reluctantly slides out from under the bed covers and puts on the casual clothes Beverly hands her.   
As they leave their quarters, hand in hand, Deanna makes one request. “Please tell me there won’t be any Gagh?”  
Beverly laughs. “No. Just coffee and croissant from now on.”


End file.
